fabulous quotes from The Pillowman
Michal: Once upon a time…a long long way away….(Kiturian screams. Michal mimics him at length, till they fade away.) once upon a time, a long long way away, there was a little green pig. There was a little green pig. Who was green. Um…..(Katurian screams again, Michal mimics till they fade then gets up, idles around) Once upon a time, a long long way away, ther was a little green pig….Or was it a long long way away? Where was it? Yes it WAS a long long way away and he was a little green pig….(Katurian screams.) Oh shut up, Katurian! Making me forget the little green pig story now with your screaming all over the place.
Katurian: What did you tell them?
Michal: Just the truth.
Katurian: Which particular truth?
Michal: Just that, y’know, all the things I did to all the kids I got from stories you wrote and read out to me.
Katurian: You said that to the policemen?
Michal: mm. Y’know, just the truth.
Katurian: That isn’t the truth, Michal.
Michal: Yes it is.
Katurian: No, it isn’t.
Michal: Well DID you write some stories with children getting murdered in them?
Katurian: Yes, but…
Michal: Well DID you read them out to me?
Katurian: Yes…
Michal: Well DID I go out and murder a bunch of children? (pause) ‘Yes I did.’ Is the answer to that one. So I don’t see how the ‘That isn’t the truth’ comes into it. Let alone the ‘Statistic retarded pervert’. I mean, you're my brother and I love you, but, y’know, you’ve just spent twenty minutes telling me a story about a bloke, his main thing in life's to get a bunch of little kids to, at minimum, set themselves on fire, so, y’know? And he’s the HEREO! And I’m not criticizing. He’s a very good character. He’s a very odd character. He reminds me a lot of me.
Katurian: How does he remind you of you?
Michal: You know, getting little children to die. All that.
Michal: But at least we’ll be together in heaven, whatever happens. And hang out with God and that. Have races.
Katurian: What particular heaven is this you’re going to, Michal? Child-killer heaven?
Michal: No, not child-killer heaven, smart-ass. Normal heaven. Like in films.
Katurian: Do you want to know where you’re going when you die?
Michal: Where? And don’t say somewhere horrible just because you’re in a mood.
Katurian: You’re going to go to a little room in a little house in a little forest, and for the rest of all time you’re going to be looked after not by me but by a person called Mum and a person called Dad, and they’re gonna look after you in the same way they always looked after you, except this time I’m not gonna be around to rescue you. Cause I ain’t going to the same place you’re going, cause I never butchered any little fucking kids.
Michal: That is just the most meanest thing that any person has ever said to any other person and I am never going to speak to you again.
Katurian: Good. Then let’s just sit here in silence till they come back and execute us.
Michal: The meanest thing I ever heard! And I told you not say anything mean. I said don’t say anything mean and what did you do? What did you do? You went and said something mean.
Katurian: I used to love you so much.
Michal: (pause) what do you mean ‘used to’?! That’s an even meaner thing to say than the other mean thing you said, and that other thing was the meanest thing I ever heard!